10 Million Per year.

Let me start off with some statistics here before getting into my actual post.

According to the website National Coalition Against Domestic Violence : 

• 20 people per minute are physically abused. 
• This adds up to 10 million people per year. 
• On an average day there are more than 20,000 phone calls to the crisis center made. 

That's a lot. But that's just for physical abuse. What about emotional abuse? Let's take a look. 

According to: 

Women's College Hospital. (1995). Canadian women's health test. Toronto. from http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/emotional-abuse-statistics.html 

• 39% of cases reported in a study of 1000 women aged 15 and older, had reported being emotionally abused in a relationship. 
• 36% said they experienced emotional abuse growing up. 
• 43% stated that they experienced some sort of abuse as children and young adults. 

This can all be found here. 

Why is it that we pay more attention to the physical abuse one receives, even though emotional abuse is just as common? Emotional abuse can cause the same amount of physiological problems in a person's mind as physical abuse.

EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL ABUSE IS NOT OKAY!

I was in a relationship for 8 months. For 6 of the 8 months this man was very emotionally abusive. He was controlling. He would use things I'd say against me. I was not allowed to have any friends except for him. He wouldn't allow me to even work. I was always apologizing for things that weren't even my fault. If I did one single thing wrong, he would yell at me. We began fighting every single day. He expected my full attention. He told me that he deserved for me to talk to him all the time since we never saw each other, it was the only way we could keep in touch. He told me I never paid any attention to him, that I was always doing other things, not talking to him. When in reality if I was not at school or working, I was home. Doing homework. Talking to him. So please, explain to me where this logic of not talking to you comes into play? I don't see it. 

Let's take a look at some common symptoms and warning signs of emotional abuse. 

Below are things that the abuser will do: 

• Your partner won't let you hang out with friends and family. 
• Partner has a bad/unpredictable temper. 
• They are consistently jealous. Can be very possessive of you. 
• Threatens to commit suicide if you leave. So you feel like you must stay out of spite. 
• Constantly check up on you? 

These are just a few of the signs that I have found off of several websites including this one. 

Now let's take a look at what the victim feels when they are being emotionally abused:

• Constant apologizing. 
• Hiding feelings out of fear of upsetting you.
• Breaking down and crying during SMALL disagreements because they worry it may turn into something larger. 
• Low self-esteem (this is from insults)
• Needing lot's of reassurance. 
• Feeling lonely all the time. 
• Having a hard time opening up to anyone. 
• Constantly asking permission to do things (i.e. go for a drive, hang out with a friend, listen to a certain song, pick up extra shifts at work). 
• One may become isolated. 

Again these come from the Mental Health Center website. 

In a relationship you're supposed to wake up in the morning happy, excited, ready to be with your significant other that day. You are supposed to be proud to call them your boyfriend or girlfriend. You should not feel sad or ashamed to be with them. Your happiness should come second to none. In a healthy relationship you shouldn't feel the need to talk all the time, you should not feel down and depressed all the time. You should feel happy. Because believe it or not what we do when we're single is what we should do when we're in a relationship. Same thing as when we get married. Nothing should change, except the fact that you've found the person you will hopefully spend the rest of your life with. This person should make you happy. Make you feel alive, like you're the most beautiful girl in the world. This person should put your relationship first, and understand that you both need time to do things by yourself and with other people. You can't be together all the time and talk all day everyday it just isn't healthy for either of you. 

So, here's the deal. Abuse is not to be taken lightly. If you are in an abusive relationship you need to get out. Out. I'll say it again. Get out. You do not deserve that. You deserve so much better. Emotional abuse is a very real thing. I  have been there. It makes you feel alone. Worried. Scared. 

But then, just when you're ready to give up, someone comes along and makes you realize that you didn't deserve that. They make you understand that, that was not love, it was just an act so they could control you. When you meet the right person for you, it will be as if nothing ever changed, except now you have a partner, who let's you do what you want (within reason), doesn't control you, understands you, loves you. Respects you. Treats you like the jewel you are. They will love every little thing about you and when you fight, they won't let you go to bed angry. But for the love of God, I hope you ladies find a man that you can "fight" with like this; being mad enough to kiss each other. Because for the love of the Lord, if that's how you are gonna fight with your man, who wouldn't want to? ;) I mean make up kisses, and making love (when you're married of course)

But just remember this. YOU ARE AMAZING AND DESERVE SOMEONE WHO WOULD GIVE UP THEIR LIFE FOR YOU! Never settle for less. Do not let a man control you. You have complete control over your life. If a man or anyone is abusive to you, get out. It will be the hardest thing you'll ever do, but it will be worth it in the end. Trust me. I have been there okay? 

If you need help please call the domestic violence number and someone can assist you 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233 or you can chat with them on their website.  All phone calls and chats are confidential. SO please, if you are in an abusive relationship, whether physical or emotional reach out to them. If not them reach out to a friend.  YOU ARE LOVED. 

Best wishes,

Delaney