You Deserve the World

As I checked my boyfriend's phone for the time (20:14 is what it read), panic and fear began to overtake every single cell in my body. My heart began beating faster, and I could feel tears welling up inside in my lacrimal ducts. I began playing every possible scenario in my head, thinking of just what to say when he left me. "What if he says the same things my last boyfriend told me?" and "what if he met someone else?". "What if his feelings for me changed over the weekend because of drill?"

All of these thoughts because he changed his lock screen and background from pictures of us, to some weird monster looking thing. It seems ridiculous. But as someone who struggles with anxiety and has gotten into some not so great past relationships that had strange endings, and that being a sign, my thoughts there were pretty realistic to me. I thought because he changed his background that he didn't love me as much, or that he was going to leave me. Because at this point in the day, I had already worked 6 hours and volunteered in the nursery at church for another hour and a half. I was tired. I wanted nothing more than to hang out and watch Netflix with my boyfriend who was also gone at drill all weekend. 

I'm sorry Michael that you have to deal with my unrealistic fears and anxiety. But I thank you for putting up with me. Thank you for understanding (or trying to) what it's like to live with this crippling mental state that I can't just "get over". Certain things trigger it, and I thank you for comforting me in those times. Thank you for loving me and supporting me through all of the choices I make. I can promise you that this is not the first, and definitely not the last time that I will get upset over something small like this. 

In the moments where I get anxious and worry over something small, please remember the reasons why you love me and remind me of them.  Because sometimes that's all it takes is to be reassured that
you care. I know you want what's best for me and I want what's best for you too. You deserve the world, and I would give it to you if I could.  

I love you. 

Love, 

Delaney