As Christmas and New Year's draws closer and closer every day it's hard not to think of the ones we have lost. This is a hard time because, this may be the first Christmas without your loved one, or your 25th Christmas without them. Either way, it doesn't matter how long it's been because the pain is still the same.
Let's begin with the stages of grief according to Aroostock Mental Health Center (In Maine), the five stages of grief are; Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression and finally, acceptance. Once you have completed all of the above stages you may still feel sad at times, but that's normal. (You'll find I say that a lot in this post). So bare with me.
Thankfully I don't have to read this out-loud to anyone, otherwise I would get all choked up! So, if you know me, I bet you are just laughing at me because you can just see me typing this with tears in my eyes. But I'll have you know, I only cried typing one paragraph. Can you guess which one? Let's get started with the actual point of this blog.
Let's begin with the stages of grief according to Aroostock Mental Health Center (In Maine), the five stages of grief are; Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression and finally, acceptance. Once you have completed all of the above stages you may still feel sad at times, but that's normal. (You'll find I say that a lot in this post). So bare with me. Thankfully I don't have to read this out-loud to anyone, otherwise I would get all choked up! So, if you know me, I bet you are just laughing at me because you can just see me typing this with tears in my eyes. But I'll have you know, I only cried typing one paragraph. Can you guess which one? Let's get started with the actual point of this blog.
I know I'm still young, but I have gone through several losses. Including, two close friends, two great uncles, two grandparents. All within the last six years. So, I get what you're feeling. Okay maybe not exactly. But I know that every one of us deals with grief differently. For some they grieve right away, but for others, like me, it can take you several months before the grieving process begins. It's like it hits you out of no where and it's like "okay where are you coming from?" and then it hits you. You remember that you have lost someone close to you and have come to realize that they aren't there anymore, whether it be to tell your problems to or to have someone hold you while you cry. Whatever was your favorite part about the one you lost, I ask you to hold those memories close and dear because that's more than likely all you have left of them.
I want you to know that it's okay to cry when you think of them. But I ask that you think of all the good times you had with them-okay, I know. Easier said than done-but really they would most likely want you to be happy or at least try. This does not under any circumstance mean pretend to be happy, but try. And if you have a hard time, that's okay. Find a place to be alone and let the tears roll, maybe spend some time talking with them.
My aunt commented on my mothers Facebook status recently about my grandpa's passing seven months ago (to this day actually) with "...I still have that rifle shell from the burial and I hold it tight every night and talk to him every night so I still feel close to him", this triggered a roller-coaster of emotions for me when I saw that. I went from "aww that is so sweet of her" to "oh my gosh I miss him so much" in literally 0.2 seconds. And I want you guys to know that's okay as well. Again, everyone grieves differently.
When I lost my grandmother in November of 2010 I started the grieving process right away, but when my grandfather passed away in May of 2016, I didn't start the grieving process until after I graduated high school- so about a month and a half after he had passed away-. Maybe you haven't grieved yet, and that's okay. And maybe you won't grieve for years to come, that's okay too. The most important thing you can do is to take care of yourself.
As you go onto celebrate Christmas and New Year's the next few weeks, remember, that even though your loved one is not physically there, they are there spiritually.
Maybe take a few moments during your holiday meal for each person to say one memory they have of that person from previous holidays. For example; if my family were to do that this Christmas Eve, I would probably tell them of all the times we would sit and do Sudoku's and crosswords before it was time to eat. Or how my cousins and I always took turns cuddling next to him on the couch.
I leave you today with this verse to think about. This brings me comfort when I begin to think about the death of a loved one.
"My Father's house has many rooms, if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you may also be where I am". John 14: 2-3 (NIV).
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